You mean they'll have PUPPIES?!
by Rozi
Summary: Ok! One more C/A fic before I try to carry on with Bad influence... this is a one chapter prequal to BI *fixed a few little glitches*


**You mean they'll have… puppies?**

*** Sorry about the bad title, but I was stuck for decent one, so I came up with a bad one. Savvy? It's from Feet of Clay!

I am carrying on with chapter 6 of Bad Influence, but a) 'tis slow progress and b)what with the sudden flood of Carrot and Angua fics… well, I have had this 'prequel' to Bad Influence knocking around in my head since… well… ever. I am not copying "Be all right", sorry if it seems that way! *begs forgiveness*   

Right, must end grovelling! It's only a one chapter thing. So that should be a relief. Right? *** 

"Oh dear Gods NO!"

Cheri held up the beaker "It's blue."

"Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no," Angua buried her head in her hands, "this is NOT happening!" 

"I'm afraid so."

Angua stared at the beaker, as if it was some how responsible for her predicament and let out a cry of despair. 

"It can't be that bad surely!" Cheri said reassuringly "I mean Carrot wouldn't…"

Angua shot her a glance.

Cheri stared and her eyes widened "You mean-"

"Cheri! Who do you think I am?! A seamstress?!" Angua said in shock.

"No! It's not that… I mean, for a moment I thought-"

"Well don't."

"If it-"

"They."

"THEY," Cheri corrected herself, "are his, then surely it wouldn't be a problem?"

"How exactly?"

"Well… Carrot would understand wouldn't he? Why are you so worried?"

"Yes… but there could be problems… oh it's too hard to explain!" She said throwing her hands up, "but I am going to find it VERY difficult trying to explain it to him."

"I take it that's why you were avoiding him all morning?"

Angua bit her lip "It was that obvious?"

Cheri sighed "As soon as you saw him you dived into the locker room and locked yourself in. You wouldn't come out until he left for duty," she pointed out. 

"Ah. Yes. Right… Well," Angua slipped off the table she was sitting on "I ought to tell him soon."

"How about now?" Cheri said, "He's in his office at desk duty now."

Angua shot her friend and icy stare.

"Great idea," she said through gritted teeth, "wonderful."

Cheri, being dwarfish, was not quite familiar with sarcasm just yet, nodded and beamed "Best to get it all over with," she said. 

Angua rolled her eyes and said "Yeah you're right… well… I'm off to tell Carrot he's going to a father of… what was it?"

"Two, according to the colour," Cheri said, glancing at a nearby book.

"Oh gods… Two adorable puppies. Hells, he must be the only human in Ankh Morpork who is going to father occasional puppies."

"There might be others," said Cheri helpfully.

"Yeah, we could have meetings at the YMPA," said Angua, "'_I fathered werewolf pups.' "_

Her mind rebelled at the thought.

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door, she half hoped that he wouldn't be in; she had an idea to send it by clacks, at least that way she wouldn't have to watch his reaction, but there were problems with that. What if other people read the message? 

Angua dreaded this, really dreaded this.

It was the thought of telling him… Cheri was right; he would be alright with it. Eventually.

That was the problem. His initial reaction.

She didn't want to be blunt, she shouldn't have to be too blunt about something like this, but Carrot not was usually good at taking hints. She would have to drop hints like anvils before he eventually got the message.  

She would have to be blunt, go straight up to him and say "Carrot, I'm going to have puppies."

Once again, the utter bizarreness of the situation got to her. 

She was about to knock again when a voice said "It's open!"

Carrot's voice. 

The Gods must really hate me.

"Carrot?" 

"Hello Angua!"

REALLY hate me.

She entered the office, Carrot sat behind his usual alpines of paper work, although he was now attempting to file them and he shot Angua his usual friendly smile.

"How are you?" He asked happily.

"… um … Fine… I suppose."

He beamed, pulled some papers together on the table until they were even. 

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked pleasantly.

"Uh…. I think we need to talk."

Oh those immortal words.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh… Alright," he walked over to the corner of the office. He nodded to a new contraption that had been a present from the Patrician, its proper name was Imp-Powered-Contraption-Which-Makes-Water-Brain-Numbingly-Cold, but it was mostly called a "water-cooler". It was especially useful in summer. 

Carrot pulled out a paper cup and pulled the tap.

"Want one?" He asked.

"No thanks, Carrot…. We… I mean you and me… uh…. Look, how do you feel about children?"

Carrot appeared to give it some thought and said "I don't mind them at all."

"Really?"

"Of course, why do you ask?"

Angua sighed "I… Well… Children. Okay, what about small animals?"

"Such as..?"

"Tadpoles, foals, calves, piglets, baby chicks, kittens, PUPPIES…"

Carrot again looked thoughtful "Yes… I guess… I like them."

Angua grit her teeth "Right then… so you feel alright about both of them? Children and small, BABY animals? Including PUPPIES?"

"Yes."

"Right…"

Oh Gods, this is harder than I thought.

 "Can you really not see where my line of questioning is going?" She said exasperated.

"No."

"Okay… Carrot… I'm…. I guess I have to tell you, properly, straight to the point and all that."

"Tell me what?"

Carrot leant on the desk next to Angua, "What's the matter? Is there anything I can do?" He asked laying a kind hand on her shoulder.

Angua repressed the urge to say "I think you've DONE quite enough already."

"No not really, you can't change what's happened, but you can help me with the consequences," she said.

"How? What's happened?"

Angua took a deep breath.

"Carrot… I'm expecting."

There was a pause, Angua instinctively bunched up her face, because Carrot had taken a gulp of water as she said it.

Nothing happened.

"Expecting what?" Carrot asked earnestly.

I'm going to have to be REALLY blunt, she thought, I really wished it hadn't come down to this, but when push comes to shove…

"Twins."

Angua, unfortunately, wasn't prepared this time as Carrot connected the two sentences and replayed them in his head he took another gulp of water.

He eyes bulged as his brain caught up, his cheeks bulged and a jet of water hit the opposite wall. 

Angua winced, Carrot launched into a coughing fit and she banged him on the back whilst he tried to catch his breath. 

She could just make out his chocked cries of "TWINS?! BABIES?!"

He finally managed to catch his breath and resurface.

He stared at Angua, his blue eyes full of a mixture of shock, uncertainty and a strange look of disbelief that was unusual in Carrot. 

"You… I mean you are…" he managed, "We're… HOW?!"

"How? Ye Gods Carrot, I have had to rack my brains as to how I was going to tell you that I'm expecting your children, don't tell me I have to explain THAT as well!" 

"No… no it's not that… I mean, how long have you known?"

"Gee, let me think," Angua looked up at the ceiling in mock thought, "about… what… five minutes?"

"Oh… well, thank you for telling me so soon, but… I…" He took her hand "How are you?"

Angua smiled "Fine, considering," she said, "but you've gone pale!"

"Have I?" He said genuinely surprised, "Oh! Must be the… uh… weather or something, maybe it's the water!"

He stepped back "Well… ha-ha, it's quite a thing that I'm… going to be a… uh… fath…"

"Okay Carrot, remember to breathe!"

Carrot smiled and said "Oh I'm fine! I'm just going to have a lie down that's all…"

With that, Carrot's eyes rolled upward and he spiralled to the floor.

He took a while, being so tall, and the thud echoed through the Watch house.

Angua stood in silence, looking at the father of her unborn children passed out on the floor.

She sighed "Well," she said to the room at large, "you took it better than I thought you would."

THE END

Honest! You HAVE a sequel to this already! Leave me alone!


End file.
